One Last Time

I never believed this could happen again. This portion of my life was over. I'd accepted it. Yet, to my amazement, there was going to be one last time.

I walked into Tones Studio in Rochester, NY, feeling the need to apologize. "Andrew, I bet you've never recorded a grandma before." Nervous laugh. "My voice isn't what it used to be ... I ..." My words caught in my throat. "My song is called, Listen to My Heartbeat. I'll do the best I can ... but ..."

Andrew kindly replied, "That's all any of us can do. I like your title."

I gave it my best and hoped it was good, but when he played it back, my heart sank. Who is that old person singing?

"What do you think?" Andrew asked.

"I sound terrible."

"We're only getting started. You'll record the vocal again later."

I'd wrestled with the idea of recording in the first place. "But God," I protested. "I'm 78 years old! My voice is nothing like it used to be." Hearing the tape sealed it in my mind. This was a mistake! I went home feeling very discouraged. I wanted to quit, but my husband, Robert, said, "No way, keep going. Just have fun." Being the perfectionist that I am, I found it very hard to let go of my expectations.

I called my son, Jonathan, a musician with great insight. "I don't like how I sound. I'm too old ... What do you think I should do?"

"Mom, don't worry about how you sound... just have fun!"

There had been many signs along the way that I was going in the right direction. First, Tones Studio had openings. Then came the blessing of a producer, Andrew, who knew his craft and loved the Lord. After hearing the story behind the song, Andrew encouraged me to trust the process, do the best I could, and "have fun." (Where had I heard that before?)

Being in the studio again made me feel truly alive, transporting me back thirty years. I spent countless hours recording in the past, and those moments remain some of my happiest. Listening to other musicians add their instruments to my songs always made them come alive — that was the best part. Through this experience, I realized my passion for the creative process remained unchanged. Yet, the most meaningful truth resurfaced: I sang unto the Lord when I was young, and I continue to sing unto Him today.

Here's the back story for Listen to My Heartbeat : (Click on the title to hear the song.)

Robert and I walked to the car in silence after news from the oncologist. As I dragged myself across the parking lot, an unexpected phrase crossed my mind. It literally pushed its way through my fearful thoughts until it had my total attention; "Listen to My heartbeat."

Four words that would change my life. Just listen to my heartbeat. What was God telling me? He wanted me to listen to HIS heart in the matter — not my own.

When I got home, I went to my keyboard and began to play the tune emerging from my spirit. The words didn't come all at once, but as I played the melody over and over, a phrase... a sentence... sometimes only a single word... began to form the lyrics.

As I played and sang, the message ministered deep within my soul.

Several weeks later, I was scheduled to minister for five days at Camp of the Woods in the Adirondacks. Lord, do I dare bring a song so new, so unpolished? I sensed His approval. So, I told the story and sang the song at the beginning of every meeting that week. The music had already ministered to my heart, but seeing the people's reactions made me know it was meant to be shared.

I still sound a bit like the grandma that I am, but I feel in my heart it pleases the Lord, and that's what is most important.

I want to thank those of you who have followed all of my music over the years. To those just discovering it, I hope you will be blessed. The song I'm sending you today is from my heart to yours.

The artwork above is available for sale at: www.FlourishbyMarji.com

All five meetings of my ministry at Camp of the Woods are available on YouTube. Here is day one.