Listen to My Heartbeat

The report wasn't what we wanted to hear. We were certain that, given all the prayer and protocol I followed, the results would have been different.

Robert and I walked to the car in silence. I didn't feel fear. I didn't feel anxiety. I just felt numb. Before I could think about praying, the Lord whispered five simple words. "Marji, listen to My heartbeat."

For the rest of the day, every time my faith began to buckle, those words would come back to my mind, "Listen to My heartbeat, Marji." (By the way, five is the number that represents grace.)

When we got home, there was a message from my grandson with more pictures of their brand-new baby, Shiloah. The baby is less than a week old. (Yes, I am a great-grandmother!) In the picture, Baby Shiloah is lying on Owen's chest with his ear pressed against his daddy. His eyes are open, and you can tell from his expression that he is concentrating on something. Can you guess what it is? I'm sure the baby is listening to the steady heartbeat of his father.

What a wonderful reminder of the Lord's encouragement. At this stage, that baby is entirely dependent. He could never survive on his own. In a way, God is telling me the same thing. I can't fight cancer on my own. This is not an endurance race for the flesh. Shiloah and his great-grandmother will thrive because we are in the hands of a loving Father.

Over the past week, I've had some very low moments. Who wants to go through another bout with cancer? Who enjoys being radically restricted in their diet and lifestyle? I can easily slip into self-pity and fear. It's imperative that I listen to my Father's heartbeat.

What is it saying? To me, His heart is saying: "Fear not. I will never leave you or forsake you. I will guide you every step of the way."

Fear crouches at the door of our hearts. It lies dangerously near, and wants to be in control. God's warning is clear. It says, "You must rule over it."

This verse is part of the story of Cain and Abel in the book of Genesis. Cain becomes very angry because his offering was not accepted. The sin of offense and anger began to rule in his heart, and because he didn't do well and rule over it, he murdered his brother. This verse serves as both a warning and an encouragement, highlighting the nature of sin and our responsibility to overcome it.

The Hebrew word for "rule" (mashal) means to govern, have dominion, or exercise authority. God knows that fear is a common human reaction, so He has given us the authority to rule through His Son, Jesus. I've read that there are 365 verses in the Bible regarding "Fear not." One for each day of the year!

First, we must realize that it is our responsibility. The Holy Spirit will help us, but He cannot control our thoughts — that's our job. We must resist every temptation to give in to fear, because fear says, "I can't trust God in this."

We must also see the necessity for self-examination and repentance. When we let fear dictate our actions, we need to stop, ask God to forgive us, and help us overcome. When the enemy knocks at our door, we have to resist the temptation to open that door.

I don't know the specifics of my situation, but I know God is with me. I don't know what the finish line will look like, but I know He is leading me.

The Father's heartbeat is not racing. He is not anxious, worried, or worked up about the doctor's report. His heartbeat is steady, strong, and it's the sound of the heart of a Good Shepherd.

I'm sure you are having challenges in your life, too. I pray that God will open your heart so you can hear the heartbeat of your Heavenly Father.